illithidnapped

I'm going to make this quick because I'm perfectly aware you're not interested in hearing it.

( and yet. here she is. )

I don't know what I struck, exactly, but I know that I didn't actually intend to strike it. You don't owe me an explanation for why it hurt you and I don't need to know, but it obviously did, and I—

( a breath. )

—didn't intend that. Anyway, kill me or whatever if it makes you feel better, you aren't who I want to make angry and I'm sorry I just took the opening instead of backing off.

[Were he still of a mind to rip flesh from bone, he wouldn't dare to answer. Listen, yes. Answer, no.]

I ought to gut you. Miserable creature that you are.

[Unfair, Astarion's habit of attempting to draw blood from those around him, when his own skin runs far too thin. Unfair and unkind. And yet it's part of his own nature— just like hers is just as harsh, just as biting. The difficulties of creatures ill-suited for a world full of yearning hearts and softer minds.

Apologies, however, are not a part of that. And the fact that she strains herself to make amends...

His voice stays low, and tired, but he makes no swelling gestures of hatred. No more acidity than he already holds by his own unmasked, unembellished heart.]

You should know that much like the subject of your once-told story, my life until now has been...lacking in choice, shall we say. By which I mean I had none of it. For two hundred years I had my very own overlord, to use your own wording— one who needed only to speak, and thus, my body would act of its own accord.

I doubt I need to detail just what sort of cruelties can be made when one has one's own puppet to dance along on tightly held strings.

[He exhales thinly through his nose, the topic quickly brushed aside.]

I know you didn't mean it— not before, and not now. That you didn't know better. That doesn't change the fact that if I had the chance, I'd bite off your tongue for it.

As I warned you: I'm a monster, darling. We don't deal in kindness.

( there's a pause. on the other end of the crystal, he can hear her exhale. )

Yeah, right, look—

( and again, gathering her thoughts. )

I didn't realize that was anything significant because, I mean, why would you tell me if it was. I didn't get the impression that you wanted to be 'tell each other significant things' friends, and it's not as if you were telling me anything that changes who you are to me, and—that's not actually the point.

( is it completely not the point? )

The point is, I thought that 'sharp edged' was just what we were doing and that that wasn't...unwanted. Or unpleasant. And I've obviously hurt you when I didn't think hurting each other was actually the point, but I am getting the idea that it not being the point for you was a misunderstanding. For me. And I'm evidently better at it if it was the point, for you, but I didn't want to do that in that way so —

Look, just tell me if you never want to speak to me again because we weren't actually being friendly. And then you don't have to confide things in me that you are not happy about sharing because I accidentally stepped somewhere I didn't know.

( there were points, sincerely, where she thought he might kill her, but it's not like that's never been an element of relationships she thought were going well, or that were wanted in some way. )

I do deal in kindness. Actually. Sometimes it's kinder to leave people the fuck alone. I can do that for you.

[Her offer is gracious, all things considered. To make clear her own stance, and erase herself from his proximity— his life. Astarion in turn, having noted now the overwhelming differences in their respective languages, responds exactly as one might expect.

He growls.]

Don't ask me what I want right now.

[Everything is still fresh in his mind, every predatory instinct screaming somewhere in the not-so-muted distance for retribution he can't take. Or shouldn't take. Or can't—

He inhales, exhales so loudly that it's audible, working to make himself more man than monster, as the saying goes. She's broken. He's broken. They're all bloody broken, and what does that mean for any of them, really?]

It'd be your blood on my teeth.

[Exhausted, he turns his fingers over that crystal and sets his thoughts elsewhere. Just for a beat.]

...I take it you were aiming to anger your husband, as per your earlier confession.

( yeah. )

Estranged.

( but that's not a conversation she's even slightly interested in having with turns out we probably weren't building rapport after all. )

So! ( with some forced ease, ) If what you want, at some point, is to be around each other, you'll know where I am. I'm going to leave it at that, unless or until.

Should we survive the coming weeks, I suppose we'll just have to see. [It is a war, after all. More so than it was when he first arrived— and possibly more so than it's been in quite some time.]

Until then, keep your face from my sight.

[The pause that sits here is weighted. Sharp.]

...and feel free to tell your estranged husband that you and I slept together. If it helps your case.

( dryly, )

If we ever do, I will.

( she ends the connection. )

INBOX

crystal. you know what this is after.

cw for all that implied bg3 abuse of literally every possible shade

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