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[illithidnapped]

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[illithidnapped]

So what. You want me to stand proudly beside them, arm in arm, pretending that I’m—

[His voice is tight, he’s as sharp as he can make himself but it’s only defensive; it has nothing to do with her, and even given the fact that they can’t see one another, that much is more than painfully obvious in the moment.

She’s heard him at his worst. His most hateful.

This isn’t that.]

If I do that, I’m damning myself.

[elegiaque]

( it isn't. she thinks, maybe, she understands what it is—or at least something like, something close. which doesn't necessarily mean she's going to get anything resembling through to him, but it emboldens her to try, )

No, you aren't.

I'm not saying, you're wrong to be afraid. Obviously you aren't. I am literally terrified when I think on it and I haven't even been in a fucking...I used to think if anyone found out about me I'd be packed off to an alienage straight aways and that was. Anyway,

you didn't invent being scared of things. You aren't the only person who's afraid. It doesn't make you smarter than anyone else to fuck off and be scared alone, it just makes you vulnerable and easy to exploit.

[illithidnapped]

[Alone. That's what he'd been when those Gur found him. It's what he's been ever since. Two hundred years, and even here, he can't stop himself from nursing along old wounds.

Or maybe he's more overwhelmed than he knows how to admit.]

It takes more than one person to dance when it comes to exploitation. So long as I keep every last wretched soul at arms' length, I won't have a problem.

[elegiaque]

( it's almost audible, the way something clicks into place for her. no wonder thranduil fucked him, she thinks; they're mirror images, she and astarion. she understands this, she thinks. )

This must be awful, ( after a pause. ) The facade is down and everyone can see how weak you are. I understand that. I just need you to know that everyone can see how pathetic it is, when you cling to it once it's exposed.

But it's your decision. I'll make it easy for you.

( the connection ends. )