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[illithidnapped]

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[illithidnapped]

[A kick and endearment most likely. Two things Astarion enjoys in spades.]

Oh, that old rumor?

Utter nonsense. Clever thing you are, not falling for it— though as far as spellwork for heated debates with actual animals goes: that one's true.

Wouldn't recommend it, though.

[doggish]

[More jagged, then, but don't mind his excitement:]

why?

i can talk to the puppies?

why would you not recommend it?

[illithidnapped]

Talk is such a relative term.
 
They have two brain cells. Put together. Do you really imagine they'll have anything to say?

Tack that garbling nonsense onto every other screeching animal in a ten mile radius and you'll be begging for a little peace and quiet. Trust me. 

[doggish]

they bark often enough. and even if it's only pleading for treats, i still want to hear it. can i speak back to them? will they understand me?

she said you could get a stone that would do it. can you just buy those in the market?

[illithidnapped]

[There's a pause here. It's for an inaudible scoff.]

You really are set on this, aren't you?

Yes, they'll understand you. As for the rest, you'd be better off training yourself to enchant an object of your choosing: we're broke, spellwork like that is rare, and you're talented enough to manage it without paying some backalley thief a glinting premium for cheap dross.

[doggish]

[Gods, he really will have to cast it himself, won't he? They are broke, or at least too broke to consider buying something they could make themselves. And yet Leto still hates casting magic if he can help it, lessons or not. Perhaps he always will.

Mmm . . . but in the meantime, he circles Astarion's question.]

why wouldn't I be? i can talk to our puppies. even if it isn't all the time— are you not the least bit curious as to what they might say?

or are you simply worried they'll declare a preference for me over you?

[illithidnapped]

Worried? Hah!

My dear boy, I might fret over a great [great great great] many things that are already well known, but when it comes to our rotund little rapscalry, I'm under no illusions.

We both know who it is they adore.

And it isn't me.


Meaning what they have to say is oh something along the lines of 'papa papa snacks snacks' for about eight hours on loop.

1/2

[doggish]

[God, there's honestly a pause for a few seconds as he stares into the distance and tries to hush the little part of him that just melts to imagine that.]

[doggish]

as far as you know

they're getting smarter by the day. fortunato is learning how to sit. she'll have more to say than montressor, anyway.

do you have a bracelet or ring or something you don't like anymore?

[illithidnapped]

Will a cock ring work?

[doggish]

NO

[illithidnapped]

[Whuff.]

You're no fun.

[doggish]

they are [a pause, as Leto realizes he's about to write babies, subsequently realizes he's become one of those Pet People, and finally settles on] small, and i am not facing questions from them about why i'm wearing something on my cock the first time i talk to them

[And then, because he knows he's being a bit of a killjoy:]

they fret enough when you fuck me as-is. gods forbid they learn this is some new torment.

[illithidnapped]

[Write it or don't, Astarion already knows what you are, Leto.]

You're so adorable when you can't stop thinking carnally about us. Makes me want to keep going, just to see how red I can get you out in public.

But no, my love, I didn't plan on setting you to task as rigid as a washing pole. Well— maybe I did. A little. Passively. I just meant the thing's old and I've replaced it. You could use it as a worry stone for all I care— although now I'm starting to think that might excite you too much.

[Says the vampire who can't stop his own ears from perking or his eyes from glinting while he writes every innuendo known to elfkind in real time!!]

I do have a stolen little pendant, though, tucked away somewhere in storage. Half broken, but you could replace the clasp [like he's been meaning to before he fenced it, in procrastinated theory.] Would that suffice?

[doggish]

if i am overly carnal, i blame you. and this world, too, for giving me all the eagerness of a young adult, but mostly you.

but yes. a pendant would work nicely, thank you. sell the cockring in place of it; you'll get more than a few buyers, i suspect.

[Mmph. A pause, and then:]

is it ordinary to you? the concept of animals being able to speak.

it seems wondrous to me. unfathomable, in its way.

[illithidnapped]

[Gods, he truly has no idea how darling he is. Just how easily— with two sentences— Leto manages to drag one more unwilling smile to a pair of jagged fangs that'd all but forgotten how it went; relegating the dire details of worlds like the ones they ferry through to banishment, instead.]

It's about as odd to me as halla to you.

Uncommon, but not exactly a thing outside a more eccentric– [Long, the swaying tail of that singular c.

He's remembered where is. Which is: he's remembered that they're elves, they two, if not exactly keenly (and human habits prevail in a mind that was raised to be one, by all cultural intents).]

well, not outside the odd and elvish sorts, no. It's a rubeish eccentricity; no patriar past the age of five would ever look well on it.



Although maybe there's something to be said for the high and comfortable coming face-to-face with the fact that their dinner has opinions.

[doggish]

[Oh, that's a thought that gives him pause, although admittedly for only a second or two. It's disturbing if he thinks about it too much, so he simply won't; he likes steak too much for that.]

it's strange

i believe you. and i understand how it would seem that way; i doubt i would think much of it if i had grown up in this world. but for toril has the capacity to disturb me with its revelations, i forgot what it felt like to be awed by them, too.

i wish

i will ask Talindra tomorrow to help me work the spell. you should come by afterwards— she has a gift for you, and refuses to let me ferry it.

[illithidnapped]

[Come now. If Astarion has to converse with his dinners, he thinks it's only fair everyone else does the same. And really, it's not so bad: if one thinks humans are intolerable, hearing wild beasts recount villainy with an absolute height of tone-deaf ignorance is a treat all its own, but—

Oh.

Oh, there's so much to unpack here. Enough that even Astarion pauses with his pen nib to the parchment.

He wants to know. He wants to know, and yet there's a part of him that knows better than to pry when it comes to the gaps in all their margins. If Leto wanted to say it, he'd have said it, whatever that faint wish was. So, intimately comprehending that, the idea of letting it alone is more solid than an orcish fruitcake in his undead mind— but even then, a present isn't enough to completely distract him.

Hm.]

A gift?

For me?

[....]

she didn't say anything ominous ahead of time, did she? No questions about sunlight or wooden stakes.

[doggish]

[I wish, and the thought lingers, but what use is there in vocalizing it? Perhaps he will whisper it later, when they're curled up in the dark and things are a little easier to stomach, but it's little more than idle fantasy now. I wish I'd met you sooner, I wish I had been born here, and it will only serve to make him more melancholy.]

i would be referring to her in the past tense if she had

[He's joking, sort of, and then again he very much isn't.]

she's fond of you, you know. for all she scolds you sometimes, i think she's charmed by you. if you wish for a guess: i suspect it might be an ear-cuff.

[illithidnapped]

[And if he ever does, Astarion will laugh through pain and fondness both as always, catching that still-Thedosian chin and whispering 'If we'd met any sooner, I'd have been carting you around in swaddling clothes, catulus.'

Kisses planted sidelong on both cheekbones before adding, slyly:

'And I was always with you.')

As things are right now, though, he's much less graceful:]

An ear cuff?? One of those silly elvish things?

Gods above, next thing you know she'll be trying to drag us out into the woods to dance naked by the fire with twigs in our hair.

[Don't be fooled: he's touched. He's tenderly, avidly, magnificently touched—

....If that's how she really feels about him. But since hoping for any sort of endearment from the living feels worse than white-hot pliers to his claws for the chance he might be wrong....

Gentle deflection it is. In spades.]

The only thing she likes is having her bills paid and a student that's worth bragging about. Mark my words, my dear, I'd bet your last minted copper she's just trying to make sure we don't go rushing back to Baldur's Gate.

[doggish]

[Later tonight, Astarion will see right through his hesitance and his fears, teasing him into a better mood and a sweeter disposition. Here and now, Leto smiles faintly at he sees that elegant script return to him in scrawling indignance, amused by the very real indignance (and all the deflection that it carries).]

I will not say our move is not a motivating factor. She was saddened to hear it yesterday.

[And Leto was saddened to tell her, honestly. He does not want to live in this city forever, no matter how wondrous it is; they both of them are too used to Baldur's Gate and all her diverse glory. But he will miss this place, and the people therein. His friends were far less gracious about the news; Leto hasn't spoken of it to Astarion yet, let they earn his scoffing ire.]

If you don't want it, I'll take it. She did say it would suit me more.

[She absolutely did not say that.]

[illithidnapped]

what?

she did not

[illithidnapped]

did she?

[doggish]

take a walk with me tomorrow night and find out

she did say she has always been fond of a man with tattoos, though

[She's going to murder him if she finds out how much he's been lying about her, or at the very least give him a stern look, which is almost worse.

[illithidnapped]

[He's gotten too good at this. It's going to drive Astarion absolutely batty (in the non-literal sense— don't you dare), that he can't figure out whether or not his beloved, cherished, prized, adored, nuisance of a consort is playing him like a Waterdavian fiddle, or if Talindra really is that mercenary in her tactics.

Either could be accurate enough— which is a terrifying realization.]

Fine.

[See, Astarion? That wasn't so hard, was it?]

Far be it from me to overlook another creature prowling around my territory and stepping on my glorious toes.

But if you're just using this as an excuse to lure me out into the open so that I mingle with the living world, you're going to be devoured by two creatures tomorrow.