Tʜᴇ Pᴀʟᴇ Eʟғ | Asᴛᴀʀɪᴏɴ Aɴᴄᴜɴíɴ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
illithidnapped) wrote2022-02-03 01:54 am
illithidnapped) wrote2022-02-03 01:54 am
INBOX II
VOICE | ACTION | TEXT
[previous inbox]
VOICE | ACTION | TEXT
[previous inbox]
VOICE | ACTION | TEXT
[previous inbox]
VOICE | ACTION | TEXT
[previous inbox]
no subject
Worse, those words that follow: he still refuses to believe it. And hells, of course Cazador does. Of course it'd never be so easy, never mind that it's been a handful of years where the whole of Toril was wiped clean of Astarion's existence, never mind his tracking efforts must've failed to that end for so long that it made the Szarr estate's once famed persistence sloppy, never mind that any other vampire could simply make another spawn, no— never mind all that, because it's clear now the devil had been right. Fenris had been right. And here they are perched close enough to smell, saved only by transfiguration and a knotted bit of cloth.
He feels sick.
Feels the compulsion— stupid as it is— to claw his way free from smothering oppression and bolt away to anywhere else. Fuck, it doesn't matter where, just not here. Not here. Not here. Insistence hammering like the heart he lacks, yet panic holds him deaf and blind and dumb, but still. Completely, breathlessly still, not even daring just to blink, save shivering beneath the thinnest measure of risen fur.
Apparently the stricken, screaming urge to flee combined with the desperate desire to remain unseen alchemically translates to rigor mortis.
Someone smarter might make sense of that.]
no subject
His body shaking for how stiff he's gone as they huddle beneath the sheets and he grips Leto's hand like a lifeline, white-knuckled and desperate, his voice haunted as he recounts tortures the likes of which Leto can scarcely imagine. His skin soaked in sweat as he wakes up screaming from a nightmare that he refuses to recount; his muscles coiled tight with terror and paranoia even as Leto works to soothe him, settle him, fingers in his hair and a strong arm wrapped around his frame, it's all right, he isn't here, I have you, I have you, it's all right (and the mantra is so important, even though it never once works). Late-night confessions whispered between kisses or idle facts offered up with seeming glibness, but always, always, there is that stiffness.
Leto feels it now.
The cold little form nestled against his chest becomes a dead weight, so silent and still that even Leto's enhanced hearing can't discern him. It's only the most minute of shivers that let him know that his mate is still with him, and even then, they're all but imperceptible. Astarion is terrified— and it does not take a genius to understand why.
So these are his siblings.
Master, Master, and Leto forgets all he's ever known about Cazador's indomitable power. Every time that title slips past their lips is another damning mark against them, deference both a pathetic show of loyalty and a blazing warning sign: they will not hesitate to turn him in. Cazador hunts his mate still, and it's nothing they didn't know, but it's so different to think it in the abstract and to have dizzying confirmation. They will take him, and it's a shrill warning, a piercing shriek as his heart thunders, they will steal him away, they will hurt him, they will torture him—
And then rising out of the abyss, a voice made of steel hisses: they will not touch him.
It isn't a declaration of intent but fact: he will not let it happen. He will not let anything come close to touching Astarion.
He's shifted without realizing it: his stance now alert and low, his ears pinned back against his skull and his teeth bared in silent, seething snarl. He knows better than to growl— to snarl— to bark and bite and tear, ripping into soft flesh and ravaging this threat until it's no more, scaring it off or killing it with one powerful bite— he knows better, he knows better—
But it's so hard to fight instinct.
For a long, sickly moment Leto teeters between his rational mind and his animalistic one, staring up at the two figures before him. But attacking won't help— and so though his every instinct screams to leap forward, Leto jerks one paw back, then another. And another, his movements jerky, his eyes locked on those figures. He's silent as the grave as he retreats, stepping so carefully to avoid jewelry clinking, and it's not that he makes a sound. It's not that he is trying to be seen. There's nothing that gives him away, nothing that should alert either of those figures—
But at the last possible second, the drow turns her head, her blazing eyes coolly intelligent as she stares at him. And though she does not make a sound to alert her companion, she sees him, he has no doubt. A beast that doesn't belong adorned in jewelry and with a heavy parcel slung around his neck, but there's nothing that might give Astarion away. There's nothing.
And just as her mouth opens (to say what? but what could she possibly say; doctor dalyria doesn't believe in such fanciful notions as like calling to like, and yet—) Leto turns tail and runs.
Dashing down alleyways and darting beneath passing carts, uncaring for being seen, uncaring for his own comfort or safety, running til his paws ache and his barrel chest heaves for air— for the more distance between them, the better.]
no subject
The moment his once-sibling's voice uttered his name not five full strides' distance from them, that hateful needle shifted irreversibly, he's sure of it. Feels it large and looming overhead like the sword of Damacles, twisting as if dragged into unnatural position by cold, forceful hands; unwilling and unable to return to the weightlessness present not half an hour before — blithely draped in pearled hope, decadent confidence— folly, in other words. Shaded hideous as a lover plucked from a dim tavern only to see hack-carved features exposed in brighter lights.
We'll dine and dance till morning. We'll mingle with the haunts of High Hall and watch the bawdiest of plays— no, we won't.
No we fucking won't.
Another vampire will get there first. (Correction: is there first.) Waiting like a spider in its web the way he's always been. Always done. Always wanted. Striking the second that they're spotted, greedy fangs plunged deep down to the bone. Astarion can see it clearly; masked against the backlit glow of leaded glass, there is no calculable limit to the black-eyed measure of his quickened hunger— the resentment— oh, it's been longer than a week. Much, much longer than a week. He's touched another. Sworn his heart to them. Bedded them. Bled them. Tsk tsk, Astarion.
He can't hear a thing over Cazador's imagined purr.
Long after Leto' stopped and brought them home, possibly kicking or nosing the door shut, he doesn't realize it. Stays put, curled up tighter than a locket in that kerchief, ready to bite down on anything that dares to agitate his sanctum.]
no subject
Gingerly he lifts the small bundle from around his neck and places it on the bed. There's not a stir, not a sigh, but that doesn't surprise Leto. He makes short work of ridding himself of their treasure, fumbling only slightly in his haste, and slings on a pair of trousers. The entire process takes less than two minutes, and yet not once does he remove his gaze from that little bundle.
He climbs into bed. Scoops up the still, silent form of his lover and rests him against his bare chest, nestling him close to his beating heart. One hand lays gently but firmly atop the bundle, fingers close without becoming confining.
And Leto waits. Perhaps not forever, no, but he will wait a long time for Astarion to emerge. He has a book on hand, and there is nothing more important to him than his mate. There's a part of him that longs to tug him free, unwrapping that cloth and whispering assurances, but . . . no, it will not help to be forcibly torn from his shelter, Leto suspects. Better to let him come out in his own time, and they will take it from there.
Until then: it's quiet. The room fills with familiar noises: Ataashi's steady, slow breathing nearby (her eyes half-closed, her body pressed up against Leto's own), and in the distance, the twins snoring and snuffling in their sleep. The steady turn of a page here or there, and at a great distance, the sound of workers below lazily cleaning as they wait for the evening to come. And always, always, there is Leto's heartbeat: steady and sure, calm and unflagging no matter how long it takes.]
1/2
Whether or not he believes it's truly coming hardly makes a difference when certainty's still breathing down his neck, choking out the inside of his den with its pervasive exhalations. And beyond the bubble that it forms— nothing.
Nothing.
Through branchwork, balled-up limbs and a buried snout, he's moved, but there's no sound. No real sensation, either, compared to the huff puff flow of paranoia. Gravity. Wet and dark and deep, with no end to sprawling bounds, that nothingness that reeks of iron rust. Evokes the memory of spent spittle burning in his throat— as close to true sensation as it gets when he's been shut in and forgotten. Albeit for what, he can't recall (but it's not unusual, is it?) he'd been dreaming. Is dreaming, perhaps. Like the snap of misaligned gears, his burned out brain keeps thinking with all the grace of a drowning figure: ugly reflex, quick in action yet sluggish in regards to reason, oscillating wildly in the hopes that something might connect. For Astarion, that's logic. He's curled up in the kennels, he thinks; he's dizzy and confused from steep starvation; it's then— it's now—
It's the crisp sound of a page turning, smearing against its kin before it pops like a stiffened joint, and settles.
The softer shoreline hiss of blood running in channels underneath him, and the bassy pulse that throttles it onwards, slowly shaking Astarion where he rests in ways that stone floors never would.
Well— not unless Cazador's constructed some sort of new and ultimately unseemly horror when it comes to architecture, but— no. No, that's not a possibility, not even for him. And for all his time spent underground, it'd been cold, and stiff, and lifeless, not at all like this.
One tufted ear drives its way out from darker cloth, flicking upright first, and then another. A wriggling muzzle with a wet, snuffling nose— and then two albinic ruby eyes, squinting sharply to adjust whilst they take in their surroundings. The slow start to a careful crawl down to Leto's chest, then up towards his chin. A place to shelter under that's familiar in its rediscovery— safe and steady and warm, and comfortably scented— little wings folding across the front of a tattoed throat.]
2/2
There's sobriety in his voice.
It sounds tired, if not level.]
What happened to them?
[He can't remember, but he assumes they weren't followed.]
no subject
Thus: Astarion nestles beneath Leto's chin, his little body finding the places that feel safest, and lingers there for as long as he needs. Leto knows better than to say anything, but his hand comes up often: first for that wet little snout to snuffle at and recognize (you know me, you remember this scent), and then to gently pet when it seems he's wanted. His attention stays nominally focused on his book, for sometimes being perceived is too much to bear— even when most of your life has been spent begging for a scrap of attention.
Perhaps especially then.
There's no fanfare for when it ends. The only motion Leto makes is to sit up, watching Astarion as he finally comes back to himself.]
Nothing. The tiefling noticed me, I think, but she looked at me as much of the city did: with bemusement, not recognition or shock. I ran, and they neither of them followed.
[He checked. He made sure. Over and over, he made sure, circling endlessly in a wide perimeter around their home, using every bit of old training and newfound senses to make sure that no gleaming set of red eyes was involuntarily taking note of them.
(And the joke is: he did miss something, but Korrilla is so much more subtle than any spawn could ever hope to be).]
There was a drow, too.
[The question hangs silently in the air, but he won't utter it just yet. Better to let Astarion tell him their names, their stories, their views (if such things even exist; if they are anything more than fellow slaves— but they must be. Siblings, and Leto— Fenris— knows better than anyone how many memories such relations trigger).]
no subject
It isn't possible to love Leto more, but standing there in the shuttered darkness of a coming night, stripped bare of pretense alongside clothing, he'd swear himself as close to that margin as one could ever get. Both were enslaved creatures once; both understand the necessity of doggedly checking their own shadow to be certain that it matches— yet they are so far from Thedas, and Leto is so young. What was once familiar feels a full lifetime ago. Easily forgotten. (Never forgotten, no. He sees the truth of it lain across their mattress, in the fixated focus of autumnal eyes as they peer back in stoic earnest.
Young only in their form, not the wisdom held behind them.)
Astarion's expression relaxes, and the hang of his posture goes with it.]
Aurelia and Dalyria. [Sits suspended in midair for far too long before reason settles in, insisting that Leto will want to know what those names mean— who they are.
And rightfully he should.
There's a mulled flicker of sound as pale fingertips set gilded jewelry aside across a nearby table, moving no closer beyond that.]
....my siblings.
no subject
My siblings, Astarion says, and Leto silently changes it to: my sisters, for that is a grief he knows so much better. And what is it to have a sister? To be bound eternally to a person you simultaneously love and loathe, the only person in the world that knows exactly what you went through all those years . . . and the rest almost doesn't matter. He will never, ever trust Varania again— hells, he doesn't even know if he even ever wants to see her again. But there will always be a place in his heart for her, a strange mixture of resentment and longing that he has long since accepted will never go away.]
Do you remember what they spoke of?
[It's a gentle question. He wouldn't blame Astarion for being too petrified to recall a single thing; he also wouldn't blame him for memorizing every single word, devoting it to memory in the terrified false hope that such a minor thing might somehow help them evade Cazador a little longer.]
no subject
What he thinks, what he feels in that moment, they're solely one and the same. A truth that solidified itself from the instant he heard his own name uttered, and a conversation whose participants were recognizable by sound, rather than sight— but memory beyond sensation? Beyond the palpable rise of fear and nausea, and the thunder of dread as a surrogate for his own pulse?
He has to look at Fenris peripherally. Keeps him there, but blurry in the borders of his own vision: taking care not to track the way he might be staring back. It doesn't matter that he knows Leto wouldn't stare at him with pity (or that Fenris most of all wouldn't, either).
The thought he might spot some unevolved glimpse of it is unbearable.]
Cazador. [And the name curdles on his tongue. A memory he's no desire to taste, but as much a guess as he can muster when the details still feel hazy.]
That your blasted devil was right.
no subject
[He half-expects Raphael to appear in a burst of brimstone and smoke, but there's nothing. The dull murmur downstairs doesn't alter; their room stays silent and contained, the door barred and the windows shuttered (for all the good it will do them).
Leto watches Astarion so carefully: direct where his lover is elusive, steady where Astarion might feel overwhelmed. His role now is to be a rock, steady and strong: not without malleability, but something Astarion can dash himself upon again and again without fear of consequences or lingering resentment. Someone to help Astarion stay grounded when two centuries of terror and grief will inevitably overwhelm him again and again, rising up like bile in his throat and smothering him into incoherence.
A breath, and then:]
. . . but they do not know you are here. They wondered where you had gone, and marveled at the fact you have stayed hidden. Cazador still thinks you alive— but he has no evidence to prove it just yet.
[They're facts offered steadily, and Leto tries so hard to keep anything else out of his tone. Above all, he doesn't want to offer any kind of false optimism: see, it isn't so bad!, when of course, it is. It's terrifying and nauseating and so overwhelming that there's nothing but the clawing panic of a trapped animal hearing the hunter approach step by heavy step—
He knows. He remembers.
And yet inevitably, Leto thinks, Astarion will lash out. That's part of it too.]
He does not know anything more than he did a day ago, or a week ago, or since we returned here. Nothing has changed.
[That's not true. He knows that's not true and he regrets it the moment he says it, but it's too late now. Stupid.]
I mean simply that— that we are in no more or less danger than we were before.
no subject
Only to meet that amendment head-on.
(Only to soften at the seams, for it's the whirling lunge to bite that inevitably shows Ataashi that it's no assailant's hand across her nape, but the packmates she adores. No different than Leto startling awake in the dead of night, warm from the covers he'd been under and yet shivering out of his own skin, wide eyed and wild to the last heaving gasp; no different than the startled look Astarion wears now, only marking what's before him by the slow draw into focus half a moment too late to save composure.) Leto can't be so blind that he doesn't see right through it. Doesn't know, intimately, what's ticking underneath the surface.
It takes so long for Astarion to find his breath, false though it may be.]
For now.
[Thin as paper. Damp, small, limp within his emptied hands.]
If he thinks I'm not dead, it's only a matter of time. [Slow start, exhale thready when it leaves his throat.] Today was close enough.
no subject
[The answer accepted and echoed without amendment, Leto's head ducking down into a shallow nod in silent echo. But he watches him carefully as Astarion continues on. It's the farthest thing from hopeful, but nor is it utterly despairing, and that's good. That counts. Now that Cazador has become more real, it matters so much that while Astarion's knees might buckle and his terror might rear, his first impulse isn't to cower or ignore, but grimly face the threat head-on.]
What do you wish to do?
[For Leto has a thousand ideas born from a hundred plans plotted out in the dead of night. He has gone over how to best kill a vampire lord again and again in his mind, adding in details and drawbacks as Astarion has offered them. He's learned all the most deadly spells for vampires (sunlight a miracle of a one, but there are others); he's trained fiercely, throwing himself into combining his swordplay and his magic, honing himself to fight against a creature that, on paper, he's hopelessly outmatched by.
(But there's a reason vampires are so secretive. There's a reason they both mind their tongue when they're not alone, or take pains to ensure that Astarion is seen hanging around during the day, albeit indoors. Vampires aren't infallible. And though it would be a mistake to underestimate them, oh, they are far from immortal).
A beat, and he adds gently:]
It is a matter of time, yes. But not tonight. You need not have a plan just yet. You need not do anything tonight, save reel.
no subject
(More than the image. More than its constancy. When even the memory of it can be scrubbed clean and yanked away, it's hard to trust that it can stay.)]
Go back to Thedas....? [Is a hoarse-throated joke. Ultimately prying a degree or two of slant out of the corner of his mouth, but like everything else, it sinks after a beat, and his frown is that much deeper for it.]
....I don't know.
[Feels small. Tired. A lump in his throat where his tongue should be.
Appropriately weak, perhaps.]
All this time. [It's been weeks since the devil's warning in Evereska— what was he thinking? Did he ever have a plan? Did he forget it?] Wasted.
no subject
All this time, his beloved says hollowly, wasted—
And before he realizes it, Leto is on his feet. He's closed the distance between them, one hand gripping Astarion's shoulder tightly as the other catches beneath his chin.]
No. Not wasted. None of it was a waste.
[His eyes dart about Astarion's face; after a moment, some of the urgency lessens in his voice. His thumb strokes against the curve of his shoulder, his expression softening.]
You do not know— but I do.
[He has to do this so carefully. Push too fast and terror will kick in; ease in too much and Astarion won't believe him.]
He is powerful, but he is not infallible. He is dangerous, but so was Danarius. So was Corypheus. And Astarion . . . I am built for this.
[Look at me. See past all the features that make him look like a pup only just grown into his paws; look past his ears, his eyes, his youth, the wrinkles that no longer line his eyes. Look at me and see me for who I am, Fenris thinks.]
For decades I was trained not just to fight, but in tactics. In control. [Do you understand? Do you realize? For his own days of enslavement were so relatively far behind him, and it's not that Astarion doesn't know his past— but there is such a difference between knowing and understanding.] I know how to subdue crowds and read the mood of a mob; I know how to plan for a battle, and what factors will aid or hinder it. I have studied magic and vampirism here, I have dedicated myself to it— not in the hopes of slaying him myself, but so I know how to offer you a plan.
[He hesitates for a moment, wondering if it's too much, but . . .]
One vampire lord. Six spawns who cannot help their compulsion. And an array of thralls and insane servants who are dedicated to him. I will not say the odds are in our favor just yet . . . but we have time to plan. To recruit.
Your friend Gale arrived today. I meant to tell you . . . his letter came. And with him are allies, are there not? Those who remember you, even if you do not remember them.
[Shadowheart, Wyll, Lae'zel, Jaheira, Karlach, and the names mean nothing to him right now, but if they can fight, if they will aid him . . . oh, that changes things indeed.]
We can lure him out, perhaps. Or prepare to siege upon his palace. We know the terrain, and that is more than some have before battle.
[But all of that is detail. What matters is what he says next, and to that extent, Fenris catches Astarion's eye, making sure he knows just how seriously he's taking this. That this is no hero playing at noble rescuer; that this will not end in terror.
Don't make me walk you to his table.
I won't, Fenris thinks fiercely. I won't, I won't, I won't.]
We have time. We have allies.
We can win this, Astarion. Believe in me, if you cannot believe in it yourself.
2/2
[He doesn't, Leto thinks, but that isn't relevant here and now.]
I do not know what abilities I possess. I do not know how to open a door into the Planes— into the Fade. I do not even know if I can do it with Ataashi's help. But if you wish that . . .
We will run to Waterdeep with your mage friend, and task him with aiding me and protecting us until I learn. And I will try until I manage it.
Only say the word, and I will make it so.
no subject
No.
[Strong hands at either cheek, stroking the arch of them with enough pressure to feel bone beneath. The sort of desperation that leaves a precious ache.
For so long he had nothing to hold onto, whispers something close and ugly. For so long he was defined by it, that cruel, insipid emptiness that never let him forget its crushing weight. Not in the kennel, not in the dark, alone until he couldn't remember his own name. Not in a thousand different beds, or under Cazador's commandeering grip. Not on bruised knees, with skin stripped down to a memory over sinew, not screaming till his lungs ran hoarse, the only blood left on him a ruddy mask across his cheeks. It comes through again as if it(he)'d never left for distance, larger than hope itself could ever be. Crystal clear and fresh, oh wretchedly fresh.
He can't bear the thought of letting go.
Not even in the simplest of touches.
But he trusts in Fenris.
Like he's believed in no one else, himself included. God killer. Slaver hunter. Blue Wraith. Capable of crossing worlds because his heart refused to accept cold logic if it meant division neverending. The stray that found its way home with no memories intact, against all brutal odds. And if that wasn't enough to topple the grim effigy of a vampire lord unbeaten— if the handsome hart within his grasp (conquering an unfamiliar body, unfamiliar magic,) winds up having met his match at last within the Upper City's highest halls....
Astarion trusts that there's no limit to what he'd do to keep his Leto safe.
—but.]
I....
[His every train of thought hitches for a beat.]
....Gale?
[It's been veritable ages since that letter was sent out. He'd assumed it never found its mark— that, or the mage he'd met and bargained with in Kirkwall for scant less than a single evening never survived the trip back across the Veil. Anything else seems unfathomable at this point, crossing the line between unlikely and sheer fantasy with ease: Leto would never lie to him, would never steer him astray let alone at a moment such as this, when they've no odds left to speak of.
And yet his own mind whirs like a toy that can't quite manage to connect its inner makings. The click clack click of gears turning like they ought to out of desperation only to slip up over purchase— or more accurately, lack thereof, but still....]
2/2
Pilfered jewelry lies within eyeshot just behind a pair of clasped hands, already gesticulating swiftly. Mapping with all the tenacity of a conductor the present conversation's highs and sweeping lows, ignoring everything beyond the pair of elves (one familiar, one not) seated before him.
'Goodness,' Gale exhales through a shake of his head. 'Now that is a monster of a master to contend with, a vampire lord with his own coven, right in the middle of Baldur's Gate?
But you're in quite good hands now. And once we finish honing in your magics after covering the bases, I daresay neither god nor bloodsucking vampire will find themselves prepared for the fury we shall unleash upon them in no time.'
Astarion's expression runs flatter than a punctured tire in sharp contrast. His arms are folded, his lip ever so slightly curled, as if he's looking at someone's musty old rag left on the floor out in the open.]
I want him gone.
['Oh come now, Astarion— ']
no subject
And be fair: it's not as if Gale is endearing himself right now. He's very, mm, chirpy. Cheerful. Bustlingly endearing in a let's-all-get-along-lads sort of way, which might work well for the students in Waterdeep— but which grates when presented to two sarcastic, overly cynical elves.
Still: the attempt is sincere. Cloying, but sincere, and the wizard earned no small amount of respect for the words fury we shall unleash upon them, for Leto can appreciate anyone ready to murder for his beloved's sake. Besides: even if Gale had turned out to be utterly insufferable (and he isn't), Leto would still demand he stay, for they cannot afford to be so picky when it comes to Cazador.]
A good thing he is not meant to be your teacher, then.
[Gentle, for he will not scold his amatus in front of another— especially not when he himself feels the same. Leto cocks his head, refocusing his attention back onto Gale as the wizard speaks.
'Now! To start with, I'd like you to begin with some light reading on the theory of magic. We'll get to casting spells soon enough, but it's important you understand where you're drawing from—']
Ah— I already know how to cast.
['Do you!' Gale says, glancing between them. 'From Astarion's letters, I had the impression you were a novice.']
I was. I still am. But speed was more of the essence than technique, at least at first, and I have been taught the basics already by a tutor in Evereska.
She wrote up a guide. You may find it helpful.
[He offers up a packet of papers. Talindra had been both thorough and unflinchingly honest in her assessment of his growth, including his strengths (few) and his weak points (many), but honestly, Leto appreciates it. It may sting his pride to see the word novice or flinching written so many times, but it does his survivability no good to be lied to.
Gale takes it, glancing over it. His smile is a little strained now, annoyance at his lesson being interrupted somewhat badly hidden. 'Ah,' he says, one brow raising as his eyes flick over the first page. 'Well! and give him some credit for trying to rally, even as some part of him looks a bit put out. 'You'll forgive me if I want to do some testing of my own— not that I doubt your teacher, but I have my own scale for doing things, and I have more than a few points within my own lesson plans that I want to be sure your former tutor hit upon. Too many forget that the basics are necessary for a reason— it isn't all about control. There's articulation, diversification, aspects of basic elements . . . Still! We can move things a bit ahead, I think, if you're already so experienced.'
He begins shuffling through some of the bags at his side, drawing out papers and sorting through them with a few distracted mutters. And the funny thing is, the annoyance doesn't seem to be directed at Leto— not really, anyway. There's a certain fuss to the way he sorts through his papers, fluster and annoyance built into one. It reminds Leto of nothing so much as Anders of all people, denied his promised lecture and just a tad sulky over it— though Anders was never so stuffy.
'As for you, Astarion,' he finally adds, glancing up. 'Did you want to learn to hone your own innate abilities? I cannot say I'm overly familiar with vampiric magic, but there's few arenas I cannot conquer. I will say, though: Shadowheart wished to meet with you, too. She wants to discuss a few things related to vampiric weaknesses and how best a cleric might aid you. And,' he adds, and aims a friendly smile at him, 'I believe she simply misses you.
I know I have.']
no subject
He wonders if this is how Fenris might have felt returning to Kirkwall. Met by a story with his name in it, and not a single memory to go with it.
(And if he were objective— which mind you, he isn't— maybe he'd realize that's part of why he's brimming with tepid hostility. Like Ataashi when she squirms and growls and writhes within their arms come bath time, trying to force it along only makes things worse.)
And that's not including his bristling contrarianism by default.]
Eugh. [Sound acting as deflection. The uncomfortable made comfortable through a crinkled nose and the folding of his arms at distance.] You're useful.
Don't make it weird.
[Easy to forget it was Fenris that saved him from the Fade. Fenris that drew him up and gave him hope as something— someone freed. Fenris who protected him, cared for him, followed him. Leto, who he loves. And so it's Leto who warrants the soft mouth, the gentle glances as if they were second nature, sole nature. Leto who finds himself proudly doted on by a dagger of a creature, all sharp edges and sharp claws.
Everyone else, very much not so.
Still, he knows what he needs to tip the scales (or at the very least keep Leto safe), and what the cost may well prove to be in the end. It isn't sheepishness that makes his cattish dismissal start to sink down into tepid acceptance, just a realistic comprehension of that age old saying regarding flies and vinegar.
And if they're risking their lives, he should probably be grateful. Maybe.]
Just focus on getting all those schoolyard lessons of yours straightened out for our resident Bladesinger first, and if you get that far before we have an enthralled army on our doorstep, then I might consider taking protips on vampirism from a fangless mage. [Wizard? Whatever.]
Ah, but—
[His gesture's loose, index finger untucked just to sweep through nothing in midair, indicating sudden thought alongside a modicum of self-awareness.]
You can tell the cleric to visit.
[That's fine. She seems fine. (He hopes to bloody Andraste that she's fine. Someone with the name Shadowheart hardly seems the sort to go throwing arms about necks upon reunion, but then Violet doesn't shout 'murderous harlot with a penchant for making everyone else miserable' from the rooftops, either.)] Something to chip away at whilst you two conjure mephits and whatnot.
[He's checking his nails now. That's how you know he's only playing at indifference, dipping too far into theatrics in attempting to prove he doesn't care.]
Didn't you say there were others too? The last time we spoke I remember you mentioning— [Did Gale mention other allies? It's been an eternity since the man flickered in and out of Thedas like a spirit given form, swearing that he knew Astarion before evaporating into thin air not two days later.] —I was under the impression it wasn't just you and a cleric on our side.
no subject
'Oh, yes,' Gale agrees benignly. There's a similarly endeared sort of smile on his face now, his earlier waspishness forgotten in favor of amusement. He missed him, Leto thinks with surprise. He missed him and he knows him well enough not to push the sentiment, and that's . . . he does not know how he feels about that, save that it's a pleasing feeling. He likes the thought of Astarion having others who care for him; gods know he deserves it— and it would be good for him, just as the little elven pack was good for Leto.
Ah— Fenris, now.
'A few, in fact. Aside from myself and Shadowheart, Wyll and Karlach— two adventurers who now specialize in hunting down devils— in fact, Wyll actually stylizes himself as the Blade of Avernus now, but in any case, they're return from Avernus just as soon as they can find a portal out. Lae'zel, a gith warrior, is already in the city— in fact, she asked about you, Fenris. She has never sparred against a Bladesinger, but I told her that master of the blade you might be, but we would have a bit more training to get through before you could fulfill the singing portion of it all.'
He chuckles, and then, when Fenris stares at blankly, coughs and continues on. 'Right. In any case: Jaheira and Minsc are still working in Daggerford clearing out an infestation of goblins, but they promised to return within the month. Beyond that . . . we have a number of allies we can call upon. Zevlor, a former commander, is in the city and feels he owes us. A few others, too . . . '
Gale pauses for a few moments, looking thoughtful as he glances from Fenris to Astarion. Then, a little abruptly, he says to Astarion, 'Including a group of Gur. Though perhaps help isn't quite the right word for what they intend . . . they wish to work with us, for they feel you owe them, Astarion.'
There's no elaboration, and it doesn't take Fenris long to realize it's because of him. Gale keeps glancing between them: not furtively, but waiting for permission from Astarion to continue.]
no subject
That I owe them?
[Bile in the back of his throat curdles those words right from the start. What toothless bristling Gale had earned doesn't hold a candle to the anger Astarion finds now. A bright, inhuman flare around his irises.]
They think that I owe them?
[He's hunched forwards when he asks a second time, lips peeled back around his fangs. He's seeing red with all the avidity of a man that's forgotten his own sin and kept stock of the worst that've been done to him. It's been so long, after all. So much bliss imbibed that what he thinks of when reminded of their existence isn't one more unpalatable task given in the dead of night, but of bruises split wide open like cracked fruit. Bile in his throat, sour in the preset as the past bleeds out around his ears.
Fuck them.
Fuck them for the audacity.]
They should be grateful I'm not hunting them for sport after what they did to me. [Raptorish twisting. Anger hot, not cold.]
If any of their lot survive this ill-advised coup against Cazador Szarr, they can count themselves lucky to be alive. That can be my gift to them, in thanks for their....generous cooperation.
[It won't be until he sees their camp— or sees them— that he'll remember that secondary clan. Not until it's darker and quieter and safer, and the buzzing in his ears mercifully quietens down. Right now, he can't.
And it isn't fair, but anger isn't fair.
So few things are.]
no subject
'That isn't the incident they have in mind, I believe, but a more recent one. One involving the settlement just outside of the city gates.' He watches Astarion for a few seconds, searching his face for something. Whether or not he finds it, he adds swiftly: 'But they can tell you themselves later, and you can decide what you will do with it later on.'
It isn't condemnation or a brush-off, but gentle defusion. Again Gale's gaze darts from Fenris to Astarion before he adds: 'In any case: they are determined to help either way, for the sake of killing Szarr if nothing else.'
There's more said, of course, but none of it particularly interesting. He arranges for a time to meet with Fenris (tomorrow at ten in the morning) so that an initial assessment might begin, and from there lesson plans and instructional spars. He gives them the names of all those companions that he had mentioned, along with a list of where to find them and what they can offer in terms of a fighting force, and then makes his goodbyes.
'It was good to see you,' he says to Astarion before he goes. 'Truly, Astarion. You've been missed.'
And then he's gone, and they're left in the aftermath.
There's so much to say, but none of it can be from him first. Fenris— Leto— knows that. Whatever Gale was hinting at is something that either happened during the course of Astarion's lost memories (if they can even be called that, but what other term is there?), or something else. Something that happened before, and was only a revelation made during the course of that adventure . . . and it must be the latter, Leto thinks, for Gale would not expect Astarion to know it otherwise.
So it's something from the past. Something involving the Gur, and gods know Cazador has a sadistic sense of humor. Leto can think of a thousand cruelties he might force his spawn to enact against his murderers, and who's to say if the intended victim was Astarion or the Gur— or both. But whatever it was, it must have happened recently. Call it within the past half-century, maybe, but something fresh enough that this encampment leapt upon the chance to join in.
And whatever it is, Leto knows already, he will stay by Astarion's side. That isn't a question.
But one thing at a time.
He sits heavily on the bed, watching Astarion whether he rants or paces or shuts down. But when there's a breath, a pause, Leto murmurs:]
Tell me.
[The rage. The grief. The resentment. Tell me.]
We need not use them if you despise the idea. We have forces enough that they are not vital.
no subject
That said, three years of freedom is such a long time in terms of iron trust: he's not the fretful thing he used to be when they first met, constantly looking towards his partner and seeking out approval (or assurance, whichever worked best), afraid to stray too far from what was always desirable for how it might divide them. They've grown close enough these days that they qualify as ingrown by design: irreversibly intertwined, almost grotesquely so— because where sweetness reigns, there are those days when Astarion can't bring himself to leave or sit alone. Can't stop thinking about where Leto is, or what he might be doing on his own. Not jealous, but restless. A true vampire would never be that soft.
They could confess anything. Ask anything. Do anything— and where love (never) ends devotion overtakes. Not a question. More than instinct. Deeper than the tightest bond.
Admitting the truth in that hadal bay of understanding is, by any stretch, easy.
....but the way Astarion moves to pull of his shirt and redress for bed rather than company is a telltale sign he's stalling. Putting it off by seconds. Keeping his hands and eyes and focus busy, though his voice is even enough to read as disinterested when he finally makes use of it.]
We don't, but you're sweet to offer. [Balls his shirt up between clawed fingers, tossing it into a satchel hung higher than the pups can reach— dirty laundry only. Threats of bite marks or piss on silk keep him tidier than he would be otherwise.]
They're monster hunters. The clan that Gale mentioned, that is. The ones that are willing to help us fight back, if I understood his hints correctly. [And he does think so, alludes the underscoring glance across his shoulder, catching Leto's eye.] Most are....
[Tsk.]
Vagrants, for lack of a more revolting term. The sort to take on odd jobs of any shade— much like the Gur that killed me. That's what sets this pack apart, and what set them in Cazador's sights as a nuisance, before Thedas was kind enough to offer my freedom from his rule.
[A plaintive pause; he isn't looking anymore. Only staring down into his clothing dresser, distant for that single, solitary beat.]
He took their children from them.
[He took, but it's no far reach for any slave to remember that it's never the master's own hands that commit to any work.]
no subject
That's the underlying truth. Not the whole truth, for in this they are the same: there is not a single doubt in Leto's mind that their blood is on Cazador's hands. What slave can be blamed for his master's sins? None of them. It's so easy for others to claim otherwise— to condemn those in bondage for not rising up and breaking their chains, stopping those in power from evil acts . . . gods, he can remember that in Minrathous. Some disgraced laetan had been stupid enough to get caught using blood magic, and the magisterium was making a grand show of punishing him by stripping him of his title and his land. For morality's sake, they claimed. And the next day, all anyone had been able to talk about was how awful it was that none of those dead slaves had made a move to save their fellows, even if it was at the cost of their own life.
Those children aren't Astarion's fault, no matter what their kin thinks.
He watches Astarion carefully as he moves, caught somewhere between direct focus and distant reflection. Almost without realizing it he studies the lines of his bare back, tracing the scar tissue in all its jagged, vicious glory. Seven beloved vampire spawn and seven thousand souls, and even now, Leto fancies he can smell the ash and brimstone as Raphael's voice echoes in his mind. Seven spawn and seven thousand souls . . .
Seven thousand, the number so vast as to overwhelm, and how would you accrue that many? Mortals need upkeep. They need food and water and shelter, sleep and maintenance; gods know Leto remembers Danarius grousing over how much money it cost him to keep his slaves relatively healthy and hale. They need to be kept in a place where they can't kill themselves easily, either, and mortal bodies are so very good at dying, especially in despair. And the disappearance of seven thousand would alert anyone, even if all the souls you stole were vagrants and thieves . . .
But if you did it slowly— if you turned them all and kept them in walls, in cells, in dark, secret places where they could be stored away like silverware, their sanity optional so long as their soul was still intact . . . some were eaten, Leto has no doubt. Astarion fetching prey was no mere lie, but suddenly the scope of it begins to take form. A thousand souls per spawn, drawn out over the course of centuries . . . oh, yes. Oh, yes, you could do that easily, so long as you didn't mind being patient.]
Is it possible to turn a child?
[A beat, and then, almost to himself:]
I wonder if they expect revenge or a rescue . . .
[And it doesn't matter, not really. Not compared to the here and now. Leto's eyes flick up, focusing more on Astarion as he adds:]
Do you remember them?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/2
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/2
2/2
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)