INBOX II

[illithidnapped]

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[illithidnapped]

[I -will- find them very cute is the first thing he thinks and— to his credit— almost-but-never pens down across that parchment.]

sweetheart I haven't been able to handle a damned thing about this conversation at all thus far GO ON ㅤꨄ︎ㅤㅤㅤ

1/2

[doggish]

[Er—]

Well— I have one.

[It's wagging faintly right now, in fact, or at least trying to. Being forcibly shoved down one pantleg rather tempers things.]

the same color as my hair. once again, it isn't like the one I have in my other form, but closer to your wolfish one, I think. Above the base of my spine.

[And of course, promises either mean very little or very much to them (depending on circumstance), but still:]

promise me you will tell no one of this

[He's going to have to get over his fluster sooner or later when it comes to Astarion, but he might actually kill himself if he has to endure Karlach's cooing. Or at least someone will die, but death will most certainly be happening in the general vicinity.]

[doggish]

astarion does anyone else know already

[illithidnapped]

What

no





no

[illithidnapped]

not yet anyway

[doggish]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT YET

1/2

[illithidnapped]

[Wizard arm flailing:]

I don't know! I don't fucking know!


you know how they are, like gods damned bloodhounds! I mean I am doing my level best here to face the wall but let's be honest eventually they're going to find that suspicious too, which is just

the point is I'll have you know it is a LOT of good behavior on my part thank you very much, and I think I deserve some praise

2/2

[illithidnapped]

Or maybe just a turn spent petting that tail of yours. Either or.

[doggish]

[W h e e z e . . . it isn't a shock, not really, for he trusts Astarion to keep him from mockery, but still. It's a relief to hear it confirmed.]

you could pick a better prize. we both know you shall pet both ears and tail until they disappear— which they are meant to within a day or so.

[Which is an attempt at both acknowledgement of those mighty efforts (he does appreciate it beneath all his grumbling fluster) and a quiet sorry and thank you all wrapped up into one.]

2/3

[doggish]

still: praise I can do. Especially if i find you in our coffin when i return home, ready to

3/3

[doggish]

[Hang on.]

are you just


standing and facing the corner . . . ?

[He's just wondering.]

[illithidnapped]

N O

[illithidnapped]

maybe.

[illithidnapped]

[Hang on.]

how is it that you know exactly how long this will last?

[doggish]

talindra gave me a stone of far speech before i left

i consulted her this morning when it happened

she said it was not uncommon in [boys your age who don't practice their recoil spells] newer sorcerers.

1/2

[illithidnapped]

[Somehow, even on paper, that pause is palpable.]

How new is new? You've been practicing for a year.



I don't want you casting nonsense on me and I wind up with four eyes.

Or a smaller cock.

2/2

[illithidnapped]

hold on you mean to tell me she actually answers when you call her?

[doggish]

it won’t give you a smaller cock, and I would not cast on you if I thought it would.

how often do you call her? And to talk about what, exactly?

[illithidnapped]

[Oh now that's a thought. Maybe Leto calls less often.]

Oh twice a month or so? Sometimes more if it's important.

You know, normal things. She's an elf, so surely she knows about animals and their urges and peculiarities. Then there's your magic, whether or not blood loss affects your spellcasting, whether or not sex affects your spellcasting, if clearing out an entire icebox is normal adolescent behavior, how often do

[He's just going to keep going if he's not stopped any time soon.]

1/2 forreal this time

[doggish]

[doggish]

[There is a pause. It's a familiar pause, if only because it's the same five seconds Leto takes anytime he has to quell his teenage temper.]

i have witnessed you drain five corpses in a row and still not be sated. these muscles do not happen on their own. be grateful it's not more than one icebox per week, for I assuredly could. especially in this body.

[MORE IMPORTANTLY:]

she's my

why would sex affect my spellcasting

does it????

why would you ask her of all people

[On the other hand, who else would he ask? Gale?]

WHEEZING

[illithidnapped]

[How did you know exactly how this would go :o]

well because who else WOULD I ask darling? Gale?? Would you rather I ask Gale a question for a friend of a friend of a friend who also happens to use magic and with whom I just happen to have sex with?

Because I can.

But no, apparently. Not unless we use certain potions or 'arcane enhanced lubricants'. So there is that.

-And I am a vampire for the record. Five corpses is a modest, perfectly equitable amount.

[doggish]

[~M A G I C~]

please. gale lives with his cat, astarion. his talking cat. he would have no better answer about sex than I.

[Don't be so rude, Leto.]

she knows too much about our sex life already. she need not know more.

[Which is to say she knows anything at all about it, ever, at all, ever. Like, of course she knows, she's seen Leto stagger in with clothes mussed and bitemarks lining his neck, she's not blind and she's not subtle, but still.

. . . though:]

what kind of potions

what happens if we use them

[Because, well, as long as Astarion asked already, they might as well find out.]

[illithidnapped]

[The snort of laughter heard round the world.

(This is not helping him stay discreet in that corner, by the way.)]

Nothing so interesting as puppy ears, my little love.

Rashes, burning sensations, unpredictable connections to the Weave, those were what she warned about before hanging up rather abruptly. No idea why.

[doggish]

[She is 300 or 400 years old and she does not need this.]

i suspect it's because her average student is a child, and she normally need not deal with this.

do you like her? it's unusual for you to want to speak to someone so often.