INBOX II

[illithidnapped]

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[doggish]

[Thank god Astarion can't hear the groan he emits at that. Bed rest is so dull after the first few hours.]

i have little else to entertain me at the moment

the pups i can understand, but do you really not care to hear what ataashi thinks? she has more than two brain cells to rub together, and plenty of opinions to share, i assure you

i will cease, if you truly hate it. but she, at least, is interesting.

[Even Leto can admit the pups aren't all that fascinating, just funny. And charming. And so, so stupid that it's a delight to listen to them mutter to themselves.]

[illithidnapped]

Hate is such a strong word.

Much as I adore her I'm not certain I should give much consideration to the world views of a beloved thing that still finds herself utterly terrified of bins when they're not put away properly.

Are they really so entertaining to you?

[doggish]

[That does make him laugh, admittedly. Their poor cowardly wolf . . . so put upon by the pups alone, never mind Leto and Astarion accidentally changing her environment again.]

yes

for now

I am sure it will not last forever— they are repetitive after a point— but it's charming, especially when i have little else to do.

and there is a fascination with seeing what they're thinking. dull or no, it's something i have never heard before. it's charming to see how developed they are — fortunato is far smarter than her sister, and her speech reflects that.

ataashi is cleverest of all, cowardly thing though she may be— she knows whenever you're coming down the street, never mind enter the inn

guess who passed out on the floor in the writing pit!!!!!! C:

[illithidnapped]

Well she does rightfully love me most.

[That's not true at all.]

How are you feeling by the way? Not sneezing out flowers or arcane sparks or cats and

[err....]

more dogs

are you?

WAILS OH NO BOO

[doggish]

feverish

snotty

dazed, a bit, and somehow both tired and not all at once

if i sneezed out a puppy, it would be an improvement— though conversely, i haven't coughed up blood, so i suppose i will take what i can get in terms of victories.

[A beat, and then, mindful of his doting, fretful, immortal lover, adds:]

it will pass. with or without medicine, it will pass, i promise you. i have endured worse.

[illithidnapped]

I wouldn't know who you were if you hadn't, Blue Wraith.

[It's fine at least for now; Astarion saves the doting fretfulness for when he's there. Endlessly scolding his mate for so much as thinking of sitting up without assistance or reaching for a glass to drink from.

Though it's vexing as all getout trying to locate a healer still awake and competent at this hour. Much less one they can afford.]

But for the record please don't sneeze out any pups. Improvement or not they'd absolutely throw us out into the street if we filled that shuttered little room with endlessly wagging tails.

And since you won't let me eat any....

[doggish]

simply because they look like sausages does not mean they're remotely suitable for eating

and you would miss fortunato. deny it all you like, you would.

[. . .]

i can manage without a healer. i have before. come home. i would not see you spend all your night on this.

[illithidnapped]

Luckily for your lungs I don't damned well care what it is you want.

the pups I'll spare despite their shape for the joy they bring you. And because they're fine.

[Just!!! Fine!!!!!!]

I'll be home when I've a surefire cure for that wretched cough at the very least.

[doggish]

buy me whiskey. a healer told me once that would work as substitute in a pinch.

[Okay, one, that's to rub on babies' gums when they're teething, which you shouldn't do because it's alcohol and it doesn't actually numb anything so much as sends them to sleep because it's alcohol— but also, two, no Anders absolutely did fucking not, thank you very much.]

will you at least be home in time to lie with me before i sleep?

[illithidnapped]

I can't tell if you're being smart and banking on how little I remember about being alive, or if that's actually how it works.

[The logic is fairly sound.

No it isn't, Astarion. NO IT ISNT— ]

And yes darling I promise you I will. It's not as if I like leaving you after all.

If it wasn't for the sun and stars, I'd never be far from your side.

2/2

[illithidnapped]

[ . . . ]





well.

Except for when it's one of those days. The ones when you're. You know.



In one of Those Moods.

[doggish]

[He is CHANGING THE LOCKS— or, well, no, because that would require actually getting up, but still. He's thinking about it very strongly.]

bold words for a man who is out buying me tissues and has left all his pretty silk at home for me to use in the meantime

[illithidnapped]

[Oh like a LOCK is going to keep him out.]

What are you going to do? Throw on everything I own and sweat in it?

You. can't. even. get. yourself. out. of. bed.

[doggish]

[There's a defiant little pause, and then:]

yes i can

thats' two clothes of yours down

several more to go

though at the rate im sweating it will not take long

[Ugh, the fever's getting worse, and so is his handwriting.]

and now the pups are riled again, they get confused about the mixed scents

moresstro fell off the bed

[Well, it's an attempt at her name. Don't @ him.]

[illithidnapped]

You're lying.

about the



not


[Hang on he's distracted trying to hard swap between waking up his next unfortunate target healer and actually processing the possibility that Leto might very much be doing precisely what he says he is.]

you're not actually out of bed are you

[doggish]

[There is






a pause.]

just to pace around

[illithidnapped]

get back in that godsforsaken bed before I kill you myself

[doggish]

ive been in bed all day

i will not die just because i wanted to walk around a bit and get some fresh air

and its so boring

[There's a pause, and then, hastily:]

by opening the shutters not walking around outside, do not come running back, i am not walking about

[illithidnapped]

gods above you and that wild little beast truly are one and the same.

can you not study? sleep? daydream about riding my cock?? create elaborate scenarios in your head involving my sweeping you off your feet in princely regalia???

1/2

[doggish]

ive s

you think fantasizing about riding your cock is going to make me less restless

i cannot decide if that's more insulting to you or me

[doggish]

[And then, after a pause:]

you forget i used to be friends with a prince

there is a lot of gilt-laden braiding involved in their regalia

and, in his case, a metal picture of andraste on his crotch

neither of which is particularly charming to think of when it comes to you

[illithidnapped]

Correction: their regalia. We Baldurians have a little thing called taste. Though I__

[One dragging line of ink marks his altered train of thought.]

Did he put her face there because that's his only taken lover? You know

Chantry

everything

[doggish]

[Oh, god, did he? Forget the petty squabble, Leto has to pause to think about this.]

no

i think

wait

no

andraste is the maker's bride— yes, because varric [Anders, actually,] once wondered on the wisdom of shoving a god's bride between one's thighs each morning

it was meant to honor her

[How to wear Andraste-Based Crotch Armor in a Maker-honoring way, etc etc.]

[illithidnapped]

[um.]

Was it.

Was. It.

w a s. i t.

[Baby. Baby. Baby. B A B Y.

LOOK HIM IN THE NONEXISTENT BOOK EYES. AND TELL HIM. THAT IT WAS MEANT TO HONOR HER.]

[doggish]

[He barks out a loud enough laugh that poor Montressor wakes up with a start, growling and barking at nothing at all.]

MEANT to honor her, you notice i wrote

I didn't wear the damn thing

nor do i claim to believe it

what, don't you wish for a set of your own? you'd look so dashing